Friday, February 02, 2007

Sketch-- Faces in the Mirror

It was a dull and dreary night, the end of a dull and dreary day; the sort of day when gloom and moroseness seem to emanate from the walls and the earth; when the sun never peeps out from behind the heavy drapery of clouds surrounding it , and one can feel the biting chill of the wind even in one’s bones. It was dark when she glanced out the window; there was neither a moon nor stars visible; only an empty blackness into which even shadows had disappeared; so dark that it seemed that morning could never come again to disperse the heavy blackness.

"Another cloudy day ... seems that it will never change..."

She leaned back and stared at the reflection in the mirror. It was not the same face she used to see once; gone was light of childhood innocence, the hope that used to light up the eyes. There were traces of tears, like raindrops upon the glass windows after the rain has stopped. There was not even a suggestion of the smile that once never left the face; it had been replaced by a pasted imitation that could fool all but the most observant.

“I look old!” she thought. She felt old. It did not seem like it had just been a year. A year that had left her feeling scarred and bruised inside; lost and drained of all hope and faith. She sighed, idly tracing the outline of her chin on the mirror with her fingers.

The face in the mirror looked back at her, and as she looked, it seemed to change. The eyes became hollowed out, empty, with a blankness that was beyond pain or despair; it was an absence of feeling, as if they had wept all of their tears and were incapable of weeping. The brows were drawn together, not in a frown, but as if that had become the permanent expression of the face. The cheeks were pale and withered, concave... there were wrinkles around her mouth, lines drawn as if to accentuate its downward droop. The lips were pursed, etched in a smile of triumphant bitterness. It was the face of a cynic; the face of one who had no expectation of happiness, no reason to wonder what the next hour will bring—just the certainty that it would be more despair.

“Look at me!” she said in angry bitterness. “I am the one who is paying for your mistakes! I have nothing, nothing in my life… No reason to live. Every day drags on, changeless, hopeless… just breathing in and out. I had dreams once… beautiful, cherished dreams... Lost…all lost…because of your choices. I have nothing to offer anyone… I am no one. There is no one to be happy that I am alive…no one to shed a tear when I die … no one to smile remembering me… Can you even understand how lonely I am? Nobody ever enters my house… why should they? I have nothing but bitterness and regrets… How terrible it is to be alone, totally alone… But why me? Just because of your foolishness!”

“Look well at me… I am your future…” she smiled bitterly. “I am your fate.”

She looked away from the mirror, shuddering. Oh, what point is there in living to become…to become that!!

Something seemed to flicker… perhaps lightning in the distance. She glanced at the mirror, hoping the apparition had gone away… hoping it had just been a trick of the light and her imagination. She blinked… the face… her face… Was it her past? The eyes were alive with laughter and she seemed to be glowing with some inner light. The cheeks were rounded in health, and there was a smile that seemed to be not just from her lips but from her whole face. Yet, there were crow's feet around those eyes, as if drawn by a thousand smiles and endless laughter, there were wrinkles around her mouth, but they seemed to widen her smile…the hair was gray, but seemed to be glowing like silver. It was a face that personified joy and wisdom. The eyes looked at her with understanding and without reproach--not with forgiveness, but as if there was no reason for forgiveness…

“Thank you!” the image said. “You are the one who taught me that life is not about what I do, but how I do it. You made mistakes, but learnt from it… you found something good in everything that happened to you, no matter how bad it seemed. You taught me to become stronger for every experience, to grow… to respond, not react when things went wrong. You showed me that the worse the situation, the greater the opportunity! That was something that always made me look forward to a new day… a new sunrise … a new beginning every time. I am alone, but not lonely; I have so much in my life! I have friends and family who care about me and who are very dear to me, I have so many people whom I can help and who help me love life more each day! You taught me that my life may be different, but it need not be bitter or full of pain—that I can be something… someone in this world… that I can make a difference! I did not chase happiness—it came to me; I did not need to search for peace, I found it within me…”

“Thank you so much! If I could, I would choose the same past once again… I have no regrets…”

She stared wide-eyed at the mirror, unable to move… She blinked and when she looked at the mirror again, it showed her the face she saw every day, the marks of tears still evident on it. Had she been dreaming? Perhaps… it had been a long day … perhaps she had slept off. She put the mirror away and glanced out the window again. The night had changed-- a full moon was shining, the clouds had blown away and a million stars were twinkling brightly.

“Tomorrow will be a beautiful day!” she thought to herself with a smile as she lay down to sleep.

Labels: , , ,


At February 02, 2007 5:14 PM, Blogger About Fadil said...

At any point in life, we should'nt have regrets. Everything that happens is for good!!

At February 02, 2007 10:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent! That is the way to look at the past, I guess. It should only a reference book to work out an excellent present and ore hopeful Future...!! And you will enjoy each and every tomorrows...

At February 02, 2007 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very typical of your style. Kinda exciting for me to see the pattern in it.. well, again. Liked it, especially now that I can relate.

At February 04, 2007 8:04 AM, Blogger Shefeeque said...

Pen is always mightier than sword! Glad to see you write and makes a real soulful reading.

At February 18, 2007 8:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sometimes certain things happen and we cant really understand why they have happened. maybe not now, maybe not in a year or two, maybe after decades one will see that it was for the best. =)

At March 28, 2007 12:56 AM, Blogger Jeseem said...

very beautifully written.
yes tomorrow is beautiful

At April 16, 2007 2:19 PM, Blogger Aneeshji / അനീഷ്ജി said...

Happy to see back with the pen :-) or the keyboard... pls dont stop writing :-) And i couldnt agree more with the second reflection!!

At May 12, 2007 12:24 AM, Blogger Fameesh said...

Dear Deedi
Sometimes it takes a spark, in your story the lighning.... full of negative charge tht could counter the intense negative emotions that fills the mind... Negative and negative sure gives a positive:)..... Sorry for the Chalu but i couldn stop myself!!

For all the times you have been that lighning, thank you deedi

At February 21, 2009 1:29 PM, Blogger Nithin Rajan said...

good one...


Post a Comment

<< Home